Chapter I

Chapter I: A London Dinner (or whatever)
In this chapter, we meet our boy Edward who really wants to be a politician because it's 1818 and the job of a freelancer hasn't been invented yet. He comes to London to stay with his Heterosexual Uncle Thomas who wants to surprise him and throws a party, though no one asked him to. Being a clutz-turnip he truly is, Edward's late to the party, though nobody cares. He then meets the Plastics the heads of state (and George Canning, because come on, he's not a head, he's a dick) and tries to freaking e a t but unfortunately two fathers of the Foreign Office start bickering about the right way of raising their child also known as the UK. Thank God, the PM reminds them that he's The Favourite Dad here and everyone shuts up.

A few moments later Edward tries to talk to three boys one fence, yet being a clutz-turnip he truly is, he kinda fails. On the bright (meh) side he discovers the Shocking Truth about his family and freaks out a bit. Luckily, his Heterosexual Women-liking Uncle Tom is always there for a magical flashback which only complicates things and makes this damn chapter even longer. After an amazing story from his uncle, Edward goes to sleep. And this was a mistake. Don't sleep, kiddos.